A monologue for Terry the Kitman

9 Feb

Saturday 8th February 2014

Blackpool            1.1          Nottingham Forest

(Keogh)                                                (Lascelles)

Even I’ve got to admit that it was a bit brass monkeys today. I thought about wearing a long sleeve shirt…for about 10 seconds and then I slapped myself around the face a few times for even considering such a thought. A bit of rain and wind never did me any harm and I’m not going to start wimping out now. Besides, big day today: new kit.

It used to be simple: red kit at home, away kit away depending on what colour their lot play in. We did have a phase when some daft uns wanted to wear those cycling shorts underneath their normal shorts. That fad didn’t last long though.  Some of them like to wear a long sleeve underneath their top these days but I don’t let em: just wear the long sleeve Forest top you pillock. Don’t know they’re born, half of em.

But now we’ve got this white thing with a bit of blue in it. White isn’t a bad idea for away colours: we’ve had that a few times before. White is a bit Derby but if they’re wearing red as an away colour then fair enough. Bugger to wash though. But blue? We have dabbled in blue as an away colour in the past but it’s not something I like. What’s wrong with the yellow? As for the current grey thing as the away kit, well, don’t get me started.

Thing is, there’s not many teams play in red AND grey so I can’t see many occasions when we’re going to need to play in white. They should play in skins if there’s a colour clash; that’s what we used to do.

I hate coming up here to Blackpool. It’s not the cold – I can handle that no problem – it’s the fact that we never win up here.  A few scrambled draws seem to be the best we ever get up at this godforsaken place. Same again today too. Although we got our noses in front, it was the same old story away from home again as we conceded a late equaliser. Again.

This run of away games is a bit tricky at the moment: all these hotels and getting the whatever colour kit we’re wearing clean in time for the next game. I do like the massive cooked breakfasts in the hotels though: even if I have to elbow Reidy out of the way for extra sausages. I keep trying to sneak some extra bacon onto young Paterson’s plate to bulk him up rather than just the bowl of Ricicles he has but I think he just passes it on to Reidy. I don’t mind though: Reidy can have all the bacon he wants if he keeps playing like this. It’s the gaffer who’s the worst though: can’t get him away from the self-serve buffet.

With all that sand on the pitch, the state of the kits as they came off made me wince a bit. I’ll have to put some Cillit Bang in the machine to get them clean again. We don’t need them until Tuesday when we’re at Huddersfield and in any case, their lot play in blue and white: we should be ok to play in red.

Coach journey home was a bit of a drag: Young Paterson and Darlow were playing that crap they call music on their phones while the gaffer was putting a power point slide show together for tomorrow. Reidy was asleep.

As long as we keep winning at home and getting points away, we’ll be ok. And as long as I keep remembering to bring the right kit, I’ll be around a bit longer.


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